I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
