I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
