On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
