Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
