im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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