allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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