I wanna passion pit in your ass
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
