i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
