Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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