Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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