Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
