i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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