how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
