All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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