omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Randomize
