I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
