so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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