I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
