No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
