I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
