doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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