I met the friendliest cop last night
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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