i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
We're too hungover to prance.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
