The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
