How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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