Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
