And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
