I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
