Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
