is your mom at the bar?
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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