and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
