I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Randomize
