So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
