i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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