he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
