Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
