I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
