Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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