Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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