My brain says no but my pants say off.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
