so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
