Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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