giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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