Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
