I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
