She announced her abortion via fbk
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
