Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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