I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
