Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
