my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
