Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
