We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
