meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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