We named our party play list daddy issues
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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