If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
