There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
