awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Randomize
