I feel great
I just peed on a car
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
